A while back I was reading in Samuel I about Hannah and how she trusted God with her innermost thoughts, the most intimate of her desires. It says that she anguished in her soul.  Hannah desired a son with everything she had. Back then barren women were considered to be under a curse from God. I never read the bible until after I was saved, but I have always felt a connection to Hannah.  I have known that anguish in my soul.

I had always wanted a child. God blessed me with a son when I didn't deserve being blessed...at least not in my own eyes, but God sees us through different eyes. My son is now 22-years-old. He was unexpected but I knew the moment I found out I was carrying him, my life would be different.  I know that I am blessed. I cannot imagine my life without him. Having a child completely changed my life, who I was back then and who I am today.  As I look back to the person I was over 20 years ago, I can definitely say I don't recognize her.  I was spiraling out of control.  I had made several choices about how I lived that were not the best for me.  But God knew what was best for me and what would turn my life around to Him. 

I always tell my son that he never has to wonder what his purpose is, being in this life, on this earth.  I know first and foremost God used him to save me.  God used a child to get my attention and to look at how I was living and what I was doing.  I have to say it worked.  I did a complete 180 degree turn around. I had to.  It was all about our survival, although I did not know it then.  I learned that it is never too late to trust in the Lord.  It is never too late to change.

God has always been the father for my son and the husband I needed.  Although for a time we both longed for that earthly father and husband, God showed us that He has a reason for what He does and He knows what will work for each one of us.  We have learned to trust in Him and know that He will let us know when the time is right.  He will let us know when change is coming.

God still has plans for me and for my son. He isn't done with either of us. My son wasn't put here just to save me, he was put here for so much more.  Those plans and purposes unfold daily. There is still so much we don't know, but we know that God has an interest in our lives, and only He knows where our lives will turn and change and what we will become.  He knows our innermost thoughts and desires and He wants us to be blessed.  We just have to hold on and let Him lead us where He will.